Your face is a jimmy john
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
