Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
