do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
