If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
