we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
