I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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