I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
