And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
