Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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