I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Semen is not good for contacts.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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