Don't you send me to vm
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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