This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
