Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize