my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
