so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
