don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
