Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Is Oprah even human
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
