I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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