I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Pants are for mortals
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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