This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
