Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
