she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize