if i died would you start the facebook group?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My life is pants optional.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
