i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
