I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
