Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So vagazzling was a success
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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