new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
