We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
