she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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