im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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