Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
