Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
