apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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