I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I deserve this hangover.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
