So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
