smell my finger.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
