This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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