a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
