What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
