Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
