You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
