Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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