Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
