i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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