Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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