dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
