OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
