the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
