Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
