I wish I only lived at night.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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