i just wanna soil my oats bro
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize