Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
