It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize