omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
