shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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