There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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