God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
