THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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