Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
