Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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