wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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