He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
