I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
