yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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