I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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