there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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